It’s all change…

10 months ago my life changed in the most amazing way, I became a Mummy for the first time. Now don’t get anything twisted I love being a Mummy, my daughter continues to amaze me on a daily basis, but where have I gone? Suddenly im just Mummy and no longer Michelle, on a personal basis I feel quite lost.

So the changes……… I’ve gained a beautiful daughter, about 2 stone, im Brunette instead of Blonde (really need to try switch back, money allowing), relationship has completely soured and I don’t appear to recognise myself anymore. I look at old photos of myself, and I feel like im looking at someone else, someone who was sexy, had fun, someone Blonder and slimmer. Then I look in the mirror and see a shadow of my former self….what happened to me?

I guess the biggest issue I have is my weight. I love food and I have all the good intentions in the world but they last all of just 5 minutes. I’m also too lazy about doing something about my weight, I need a good kick up the arse. But then saying that even pre baby when I was at least 2 stone lighter I had so many body hang ups then, I have always battled the bulge, up, down, up, down. Personally I think I will always have these body hang ups, need to learn to love myself some more/again but how?

Still waiting for that independence to come (my own place to live, with my baby), I’m relying on a wealth of change to come when that happens, but what if it doesn’t?  I guess the sooner I’m away from negative forces (now ex) I will be able to find and learn myself without someone breathing down my neck, someone that keeps me on edge. I just want a haven where I can relax!

So there I go, plodding along as usual, still learning me, trying to embrace the changes within and surrounding me. Maybe one day I will get that confidence I so strive for, just doesn’t seem possible. I blame men, actually scrap that I blame me for being so weak as to let man after man nudge away at the confidence I once had once upon a time.

It’s all change, I just don’t want to live a life time of regrets. So im going to do my best to ditch the fried chicken for cuppa soups and all the fruit and veg in the world, wish me luck! Hopefully you will see less of me next time

 

 

 

Forgiving and forgetting, are they the same thing?

Forgiving and forgetting, are they the same thing?.

About me….Butterfly Michelle..x

About me….Butterfly Michelle..x.

Forgiving and forgetting, are they the same thing?

I find myself asking this same question over and over again. Forgiving and forgetting are they the same?

Well you can probably guess I am talking from an experience that I still torment myself with on an almost daily basis, healthy hey!

They say you should forgive in order to forget, so if you can’t forgive then I guess you can never forget? I guess some things are easy to forgive and forget such as knocking into someone with a drink, but on emotional levels to a deep extent is this possible. Can we train our brains to do this, or is that simply suppressing something you need to figure out and work through in your head first?

There are a few things I really really want to forget, don’t know about forgiving but definitely want to forget! But is it even possible to forgive or forget something with that in any shape or form you dont condone? Im thinking not!?

I find myself in a situation where I don’t seem to be able to forget or forgive, more than likely as I am around the person that ‘committed the sins’ on a daily basis. Cut them off and cut them out I hear you say, not easy when a beautiful innocent child is thrown into the mix.

I rely daily on the prospect that once I have regained my independence from this person, namely have my own home that I will slowly be able to deal with this. Or am I kidding myself?

Nevertheless I will continue, buckle up and keep smiling as that’s what us women do best, and no Im not a man hating feminist! I love to read, learn and hear points of view from all men and women out there. I find different people’sthought processes fascinating.

So, I continue on my subject and continue to ask are forgiving and forgetting the same thing? As surely one wont work without the other?